I had a huge hole in the crotch of my favorite jeans (Lucky in the Sundown style). Plus the jeans [Size Zero/25] were really big, I can pull them off without unbuttoning my pants. So this weekend in NYC, PB and I hit the stores.
Finding the perfect jeans is one of the highlights of my life. I don’t have an ass. I have skinny legs. I have zero hips — yes, think pre-pubescent boy. I tend to drown in many jeans — they’re baggy and I look like I fit in a rap video.
I hate to admit this, but I’m into the skinny jeans. I like being able to tuck my jeans in my Ugs or wear them with a pair of flats or heals. A wide leg just won’t do. I looked like a fucking moron in the Lucky Lola Skinny. I looked like I had chicken legs and was potentially starving to death. Uhm, that’s not sexy.
The Lucky Zoe Skinny was a much better fit. The jeans are low rise, slim fit and skinny. It only has 2% lycra or stretch and even though it’s a skinny jean, my legs looked not as skinny (if that makes sense). Plus, I definitely look like I have an adorable little ass in the Zoe. But dude, the jeans are fucking low. The back is raised a little higher so no panty lines aka the thong show. I can’t imagine how people wear ultra low rise, low rise is low enough! I don’t want to go around flashing my crotch.
So the Size Zero (25 waist) was too big. My thighs, ass and hips were far too small. Low rise rests on the hips. So I tried on the Double Zero (24 waist) and it actually fit. I purchased them in NYC.
But then I had a freak out in DC. Holy Shit, do I have a muffin top? Holy Shit. I’m down to 111 lbs, 2 1/2 months postpartum. I’m not trying to lose anymore weight or anything crazy like that. My tummy is flat and slightly fit (I have the 2 lines coming down my abs but nothing crazy hardcore). Now, no flesh is spilling over my jeans. It’s just that I’m constantly pulling my jeans up. And there’s 1/8″ or 1/16″ of skin the jeans pulls on if I don’t yank the jeans up. So when the jeans pull on my skin, there’s an itsy bitsy spill over of skin. I started thinking maybe these jeans are just too fucking small. I mean, I’m 30 years old, I just don’t expect to fit into Double Zero jeans. I simply don’t.
So then I started googling like crazy. I started reading post after post how women buy jeans too small in order to feel good about themselves and it makes them look like shit. A thin girl tries to squeeze into an even smaller jean and looks like shit. Fuck no, I didn’t want to be any of those girls.
So I went to the Lucky store @ Dupont Circle. I ran into the store and shouted, “I think I have a muffin top.” The sales rep were all entertained [side note, I think I could do a reality tv show] and gathered around my dressing room. I came out and everyone thought I was a lunatic. I was told, “Girl, you are too small for a Zero,” “You are tiny, that is the perfect fit,” “Uhm, what muffin top are you talking about.”
I walked out feeling confident. So now I’m on the Lucky website and I look the same in my jeans as does the model wearing the Zoe Skinny. So skin is not fat, pulling of skin is not muffin top.
The take home [b/c this was the info I was looking for on my google search]:
- Ya definitely have to yank your pants up all the time. My ass or crotch are not exposed or anywhere close to being exposed. But there’s 2% lycra in the jeans and they stretch out. When the waist of the jeans lies on your hips, ya gotta constantly do the yanking game. Just b/c it feels better not for exposure reasons.
- It may take a day for the skinny jeans to fit your body properly. Remember it stretches. If I purchased a Zero, it would stretch out to almost a 26 and I’d look like a fool.
- There’s a difference between fat on the belly and skin. The jeans are super tight, it pulls against the skin. That’s skin, not fat. No one else notices it. Not even the gay boys in Dupont Circle [b/c I did show them my belly and even pulled my top up]. So relax, it’s not a muffin top.
- Buy long long tank tops. Seriously, don’t show off the belly like it’s the 90’s.
- Higher the rise, the less skinny the jeans. So higher rise jeans generally means a looser fit. That’s not a bad thing at all, but it’s not going to be the skinny look or the perfect look to tuck into boots.
I have a love hate relationship with these jeans. I objectively look good in them, I just don’t know if I feel good in them. They make me second think a dark chocolate brownie in the middle of the night, I don’t like that. Now I’m tempted to wake my husband up from his slumber to discuss all this with him…. he may just lose his mind.