I live in Washington, DC — this is the land of jobs for me. I was a former federal employee and have mad good references and did a kick ass job at my old position. I held a senior position at my former gig. I was a federal employee for over 4 years.
I don’t know if I want to work now or not.
All of my thoughts at this moment are driven by fear. FEAR.
I absolutely love being a mom. I love my babies. I also love having mad free time. So staying at home is pretty kick ass. But I feel like a fucking loser being a stay at home mom. Yes I said it, I feel like a LOSER. I don’t know why I need a career to feel good about myself, but I do.
I’m so desperately afraid that I will be completely unmarketable in a few years when the kids go to school. I’m afraid no one will hire me since my resume will grow stale. Changing a diaper in 15 seconds isn’t a skill I can add to my resume. I’m terrified that my choice to opt out of the work place now will screw me tomorrow.
Do I want to work now? No. I’m tired dudes. The babies are a handful. Plus, I need free time. I just don’t think I could balance marriage, mothering, work, ME time and a social time. I want it all. I want everything to be mine. I want to be the sexy wife that fucks her husband every night, plays/teaches the kids and laugh with them, makes gourmet dinners, has a kick ass job and goes out drinking wine with the girls. Let’s add finding inner zen to the list. I want it all.
A part-time job would be so ideal. Why can’t I find one? What do I want to do when I grow up? I want the kind of job that I swoon over. I want to love my job so hardcore that I want to cuddle with it.
Why did I just fill out another application for a full-time federal job? Why do I scroll through USAJobs like a fiend? What the fuck am I doing? I’m so utterly confused.
**I know that I have choices and tons of folks out there don’t. I should feel better about having choices. But I don’t. The choices are making my life difficult b/c I just don’t know what I want right now or should be doing.
Don’t worry about this so soon. You just had these little ones! Let yourself enjoy the time with the girls before you start panicking about your career. You’re going to be just fine. In the meantime, perhaps you will have a chance to do some volunteering and getting involved with your passions. Look for part-time jobs and don’t stress about the full time ones yet. They’ll be there. Keep yourself current and your experience fresh without bending over backwards just yet. I know you; you’re gonna do just fine.
” I want to be the sexy wife that fucks her husband every night, plays/teaches the kids and laugh with them, makes gourmet dinners, has a kick ass job and goes out drinking wine with the girls. Let’s add finding inner zen to the list. I want it all.”
you know that that prototype you just described is not possible right? it does not exist, right? You know you are perfect the way you are right now: A young, sexy,wonderful person, that happens to be a mom and a damn good wife and an amazing, intelligent friend. and i agree with Fayza: volunteering is a great way of keeping yourself fresh but without the responsability of a 9-5. Chill out! Enjoy… that may help you find your inner zen!
HUUUGGSSS
It took me eleven months to find a job after getting laid off.
Eleven. Months.
I truly think people who interviewed me would’ve had less of an issue had my explanation included a reason which had to do with my family. You’re a mother. It’s not rare to take time off to care for your babies.
With your drive, I don’t think you’re going to have as much of a problem jumping back in to your career– you’re passionate and determined. Also, I echo what Flor says; it’s fine to hope for all of those things, but I don’t know anyone who does it all. You’re the type of person who has very high standards; you aren’t satisfied with what others would be thrilled for, so you have to make a conscious effort to remind yourself of what Flor wrote: “you are perfect the way you are right now”. Try and believe that, because it’s true.