Why can’t there be zero drama between families during the holidays?

The in-laws were here for T-day and it was actually pretty awesome.  Yes, awesome.   I don’t know when it happened but I like my in-laws.  We’re  currently all downing wine.  The MPS family is a tight knit clan, loving and fiercely loyal.  I can definitely say that I am accepted and loved by all parties.  So all good in the hood…

But there’s drama between LB (little bro) and MPS.  MPS currently hates LB.  LB is my little brother, my only sibling.  I love him like crazy.  MPS is a very even tempered guy.  I see why he’s angry with LB. I just don’t know what to do about it.  MPS said today, “Let’s modify our trust so that if we die the succession of trustees will be my brother, your bff (PB) followed by your brother.”  My brother is currently #2 to take care of the kids if we die. *Sigh*

Fuck.  I just don’t know what to do.  My brother can be really fucking cranky and say things that are inappropriate to MPS (for fuck’s sake LB made one of my best friend’s cry).  I definitely get that LB has said disrespectful things to MPS in the past.  Obviously, that can’t be happening.  MPS isn’t looking forward to LB’s 2 week visit.  I really want them to get along.  These are 2 of the most important men in my life.

Fuck.  Fuck. Fuck.  LB really needs to behave himself during this visit.  This is stressing me out so much.  I’m done with this post….

I need to call my mommy.

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I’m back.  I’m still stressed.  LB can be so awesome and loving.  He loves his nieces so much.  I need to pick up the phone and have a conversation with him.  But how much do I say?  Do I tell him “Look MPS hates you.”  I need more wine.  I need for LB and MPS to love each other.

When she was here she kept sighing and saying, “The girls birthdays are in July, so I guess we’ll all be celebrating their birthday every year.  But…. what about your birthday?? I can’t get time off for your birthday too b/c it’s in August.  I won’t be seeing you for your birthday!“

I’m her baby.

I always see my mom on my birthday, ALWAYS.  I’m turning 30 at the end of the month and this is the first time I won’t be celebrating with my family.  There won’t be a dinner party (my mom makes all of my favorites) with cake of course and balloons.  Sure, I’ll have MPS and the girls, but not my mom or dad or LB.  I find this utterly unbearable.

My mom doesn’t have tons of money.  She works hard.  She asked me earlier on the phone, “Baby, what can I get you for your birthday?”  That’s very sweet.  But I’m turning 30 and I don’t need my mom to buy me anything.  I said, “Mom, I don’t need anything at all.”  Mom replied, “No. No.  I’ll send LB some money and he’ll get you a nice dinner and cake.  You have to have cake.  You always have cake on your birthday.”

I find all of this heartbreaking. My mom wants to make sure I have a good b-day even though she won’t be with me.  My response to her was, “Mom, I’ll be traveling to DC on my b-day.  What I’d like for my b-day is for you to come visit me as soon as you have time off from work.”

I got off the phone and MPS knew I was sad.  MPS understands but he doesn’t really get it.**  His family can fly bi-coastal every week if they wanted to.  His parents can see their grandkids anytime.  They’re retired, so work doesn’t get in the way.  And they have money, so buying tickets to travel transcontinental doesn’t mean anything.  My mom works 2 jobs — she doesn’t have time off from work and she’s doesn’t have tons of disposable income.  She doesn’t let me buy her tickets often — some Indian bullshit about the money coming from her daughter and son-in-law which makes it inappropriate.

My mom is very sad she can’t see the girls.  She told me that she’ll talk out loud to them while she’s driving to work or doing the dishes.  I almost started crying when she told me that.  While on the phone with my mom, Tubby cried a little in the background.  My mom heard her and talked to her (telling Tubby how much she missed her and Bubby and how she felt like she was an awful grandmother for not being able to visit more).  HEARTBREAKING.

All I want for my 30th birthday is to see my mom.  This is one of the many reasons that leaving California sucks fucking balls — LB is in Los Angeles and my mom is in the Bay.  Getting together with the fam is no issue.  But with 3,000 miles between us, when will Tubby and Bubby or I ever see my mom or LB?

**My bff, PB, really gets it.  Her parents aren’t loaded either.  It’s nice to have parents with money.  Not b/c they can buy you shit.  That just makes you a selfish twat.  No, it’s b/c then you don’t have to worry about them.  PB and I are constantly worrying about our respective parents and their financial situation.

***MPS tells my mom every time she visits and on every telephone conversation, “You should move in with us.”   Even though she’s never really taken us up on the offer, do you know how much it means that my husband is willing for my mom to live with us???? He has a ridiculously huge heart.

This is a hodge podge blog post.  I’m jacked up on caffeine… so bear with me.

Postpartum High

I completely forgot how much more fun it is to play with MPS without a big ole preggo belly.  My vagina is still a gaping wound.  Shit hurts every time I pee.  I feel my stitches.  It’s really not fun.  I can’t imagine my vagina being healed in 2 weeks.  So there is no insertion of anything in the va-ja-ja.  But I feel more orgasmic.  MPS barely touches me and I have an orgasm.  Is this a postpartum high?

What’s super annoying is that the girls have some sort of sex-dar.  It’s like they know when mommy & daddy want to play and start screaming for attention.  Girls — you can’t do this to me, it ain’t cool!

Formula

I did tons of research and settled on Baby’s Only Organic Formula (Dairy).  The girls love it.  It suits their bellies.  My local Whole Foods carries it and you can order by the case online and get free shipping.

What Up?

So I checked my stat counter today and it seems like everyone reading my blog is from somewhere in Europe.  What’s up with that?  Who are you people?  I figured only close friends and a few blogger buds that I follow read my blog.

Pics

I don’t think I’ll post pics of the girls on this blog.  I feel like it’s invading their privacy.  If you’re on facebook and know me in real life, there are oodles and oodles of pics.  If I “know” you from blogging, I’ll probably add you on FB if you ask.

It must be nice having parents that are financially well off.  It must be nice.  It must be nice knowing that you mom has a retirement and health care and can pay her bills.  It must be nice having a younger sibling who has more than $10 in his bank account.  Yup, it must be nice.

I consider myself ghett-profesh (my good friend, another ghett-profesh, came up with the word), there’s a lot of ghetto in this professional girl living in the Hollywood Hills.  My success has been part luck and part good decisions.  But I don’t take it for granted for a moment that I could be in the exact same shoes as LB (Little Bro) or my mom.

So I called my mom to talk to her this morning.  And I just told her straight out “For the love of Christ MOVE IN WITH ME.”  She can’t take of herself, and I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way.  But she had an arranged marriage at 15, she doesn’t really know how to take care of herself.  She signs things without having me or MPS look them over.  She gets herself in binds.  She’s freaking out that my in-laws will be angry if she lives with us.  Some stupid South Asian bullshit that you don’t live with your son-in-law, only your son.  Plus, my in-laws are super well off and just don’t get it.  I told her that’s not on her but on us  and we can take the heat if there is any.  Plus, I tried to explain it’ll be beneficial to me too — live in nanny (my mom who I trust).  I can get back to the workforce quicker if I choose too.  My mom can work if she wants (and she does want to work) — her only stress will be finding a job she likes versus where to live, who to live with, how to pay her bills, etc.

So mom is thinking about it.  I’m pushing her b/c I know she won’t ever just say, “can I live with you.”  Really, I can’t imagine a better son-in-law than MPS or husband.  He loves my family unconditionally. 

Now LB, he was hella depressed last night.  And I sent him an email this morning and basically told him that’s he young and full of gumption.  He’s not willing to take the traditional paths which is amazing in itself.  He’s a risk-taker and wants to pursue a career that will make him happy.  I told him he really has no mouths to feed but his, we’re here for him and he will get through this.  I also told him to call me today so we can talk this out.  MPS tried to talk to him yesterday, but I know he needs me.  I was sleeping last night and he told MPS, “Perkytitty just makes me feel better when I talk to her, she gives good advice.”  Yeah gold star for this sister!

Then my boss walked in and she’s freaking out.  She doesn’t know if I’m coming back or going on a modified work schedule or anything.  I’m not trying to brag, but I’m one of the best here.  We are busy as hell at work after all of these new regs got passed.  The agency is hiring 2 temporary full-time employees, who are NOT experienced.  She said, “If we lose you, gaining 2 FT people will mean nothing.”  I agree.  I told her I’m seeing the doc on Friday.  My goal is to work until July 1st (I’m due 7/25).  Worst case scenario I will come in to the office and work part-time until July.  I told her we’ll figure out a game plan next week.  She walked out of my office less stressed out.  I just don’t want to dick over my agency, my boss or my colleagues.  They’re good peeps, I really do like my co-workers.

This morning has been all about putting out fires.  I’m still worried about mom and LB though….  I didn’t even pack a lunch with all this other people’s stress.  Time to refocus on me and my babies.

I’m drinking coffee trying to keep my eyes open.  I never drink more than a cup a day and I try to make it a rare pleasure.  Right now it’s just about necessity.

Last night I planned on doing Pilates.  But there was MPS sitting in the nursery building baby furniture.  There was just something quite adorable about him scrutinizing the changing table instructions.  I sat behind him and wrapped my legs around his waist and snuggled.  Obviously this led to him taking a break and us ending up in bed.  I was naked, exhausted from the orgasm and quickly passed out.  I’m sleepy after sex.  I asked him to wake me up in an hour to take pre-natals.  Of course he forgot.

I woke up around 12:30ish and went to the kitchen to take my iron pill and pre-natals.  My little brother (LB) was upstairs and came down to chill.  We ended up chatting while he smoked.  MPS heard us and soon joined.  It was me, LB and MPS chilling in the living room.  Finally around 3 am I told the guys we needed to all get to bed.  I hopped into bed and MPS and I stayed up chatting until 4ish. 

So, I’m sleep-deprived b/c of my actions.  But I don’t regret it.  I absolutely love that MPS and LB are best friends.  I love that we all chill together.  I love my family, man.  My mom is coming today and it’s going to be one big love-fest.

MPS is Henny Penny.  Some of you actually know me and know where MPS works.  There’s no threat of layoff.  But then again, anything can happen in this market.  My husband is the definition of risk averse, literally.  So he’s been wiggin’ out to say the least. 

Anyhow, he has an offer on the table from a prestigious mega uber safe place.  The kind of place where the sky will never fall.  So we have been discussing moving.  No one wants to move.  Nothing has been decided.  This is really  just discussion.

But damnit, I don’t feel like I can nest!!!

Anyhow, my mom talked to MPS last night while I chatted with the BFF.  My mom talked about how she wants to move in with us if we move.  There’s family nearby.  And MPS gladly said okay.  I don’t blame him, he’s a happy-go-lucky, very loving kind of guy.  He worries about my mom.  But I called her and I was more stern.  I wanted to know what the deal was.  My house growing up was a revolving door for all of the Bangladeshi population.  They came and they went.  It was full of drama (remember my post from my first blog about my dad’s funeral???) — serious drama.  I like not having these peeps in and out of my house.  I like the fact that no one knows me or has the opportunity to talk shit, b/c all of my family (minus mom and Little Bro) are kinda awful shit-talking manipulative bastards.  I won’t get into it right now.

So I brought this all up to my mom and she agreed. She told me the family sucks.  And I told her very honestly, “Mom I just don’t want people showing up and staying with us if this move happens and if you live with us.  B/c let’s be real mom, you’ll never say no to them.  I have no problem being the bad guy.”  Now mom’s not sure she wants to live with us, which is fine by me…. BUT…..

But now I feel like I’m being mean.  Ugh, this is complicated.  You’d have to know my family.

That was me yesterday — snippy-snappy. 

 My mom called and interrogated me about my weight.  I ignored the questions.  Now I feel bad.  She was trying to make conversation, in her way.  She was trying to connect with me, in her way. 

She asked me what kind of food she could make for me and send to Los Angeles with my brother.  I felt bad asking, she’s working 2 jobs and is super busy.  I told her not to worry about me.  But I think cooking for me and knowing that I’m being nourished by her also nourishes my mom.  I just didn’t want my mom to do anymore work.

I’ll call her after-work today.  She likes to hear from me.  I’m going to try to make it my daily routine.

Oh my fucking gawd. 

MIL calls MPS yesterday.  She wanted to know who was going to be in the delivery room and if there was going to be room for her.  She also rambled about how she thinks we’ll need her help, thus she should be there.

NO MOTHERFUCKING WAY.  The only person who will watch 2 babies come out of my vagina or get cut out of me is MPS.   Respect my privacy lady.

MPS and I had a talk before I did IVF.  I told him that  since he has 4 weeks of paternity leave, I only want it to be us at home with the babies.    People can come and visit, but I do not want any out of town visitors staying with me for the 1st 4 weeks.  I want us to all bond as a family.  MPS made this clear to his mother.  Yet, the woman keeps trying to push her own agenda.

Yes, I am not overly fond of MIL.  However, I want my kids to have a great relationship with their grandparents.  So I suck it up and am nice to them all the time even when I’m losing my mind over the shit she says.  With that all being said, respect our privacy, seriously.